What a buttfucking joke. I am so angry. I am hateful. I hate myself, and my stupid fucking life. Two months fucking wasted. Countless miles walked in this godforsaken shithole, while degenerate retards point and laugh, bugs crawl through my hair and stick to my face, and the hot sun beats down on me.
Two months of feeling completely starved. Two months of summertime half-wasted because psychologically, I'm just not all there due to the stress of dieting. I've been a fucking asshole, my emotions have been a wreck, and all the good times have been dampened. For what? Six fucking pounds over two months, are you fucking kidding me?
My girlfriend can't cook stuff she wants to because she wants to keep it out of my face, I can't go out to eat with my friend while he's in town, and I can't do anything without feeling tired for the last two months. For what? Six fucking pounds. I can shit more than six fucking pounds.
I cannot describe the hatred I feel towards both the fat people who aren't killing themselves to get thin, and the thin people who don't have to do shit to stay that way.
One of the most satisfying things about losing weight is the sense of empowerment, and the feeling of having control. I feel powerless. I have no control. I am screaming inside, and doing what I can to keep it inside. I can't get these months back, I can't work any harder than I have this last month. I can't do anything but choke on this shit sandwich life has fed me. I can't take back all the days where I wondered if I was literally killing myself. I can't take back all the time wasted because I felt like doing NOTHING but eating, and therefore did NOTHING with my time AT ALL.
I've neglected my girlfriend, practicing drums, strength exercises, video games I should have been psyched about. Today is one of the darkest days of my life since starting dieting. I'm not sure if I'll be blogging anymore. All that this has turned into is a whinefest, day after day. It shames me that I've wasted my summer. Fuck this I'm done writing.
I am a visionary and an agnostic. Stubbornly opinionated and mostly liberal. A video game player and unmotivated writer. An avid movie watcher and metal fan. I am self-employed and trying to make it work. I can talk to people, but I find it hard to relate to anyone. My name is Adam and this is my thought log.
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